SMILE AND WINK

Walking in a nightmare
Under the silver shade of Grey
And the walls beside gambling their wisdom,


Giving away the terror vision 
poured on to it for years,
Relapse and retreat staring from the mirror side,
smiling  and winking;


Though the vision clear as death, 
a sharp toe poking the blind eye,
Burning blade cursing the cold razor in the streets,
And the HIV sitting on a knee
Lusting the cancer for pleasure,


Death debating with life
giving his word to ease on suicide,
Lying through his teeth 
As the dark matter dripped out from the side
of his monstrous mouth,


And I realize a cold revolver
hanging in my hand,
with a bullet carved to my name,
Calling me to a play a game,


The bullet would hide in the brain 
And I would look to seek,
A smile for the relapse
And wink to the retreat.